I’ve made my preference for a virtual assistant clear: I don’t want one.

My Mom AND my brother have both asked me if I’d like to get an Amazon Alexa for Christmas this year. I declined, so they asked me if I’d prefer an Echo Dot or maybe an Apple Home Pod.

I had to clarify that I don’t want ANY device that is connected to the internet and whose ONLY JOB is to listen in to what is said in my house. You can “OK, Boomer” me all you want but I read Orwell’s 1984 in high school and the idea of having a device listening in on you in your home was terrifying then. The fact that in 2019 we’re doing it voluntarily is terrifying AND baffling to me.

Besides, I’ve got Siri on my phone and it barely understands what I’m saying. If I only had a nickel for every time I asked Siri to “call Brad” and it called “Brandon” instead, I’d have enough to buy an Amazon Alexa myself. Also, Siri is racist against people of Mexican-American Heritage. If I want to call my friend Luis Aguilar I have to ask Siri to call “Louis Ah-Gwy-lar”.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who’s offended when Alexa doesn’t understand what I’m saying. Check out this ad…