At Long Last I Can Talk About ‘Rise of Skywalker’

The wait, at last, is over. It’s been out for over two weeks now so I feel free to talk about Star Wars IX:Rise of Skywalker in an open and frank manner.

This should probably go without saying but, SPOILER ALERT!

Here, in no particular order, is my list of plot holes, inconsistencies, lingering questions and general gripes about the movie.

• Why did Palpatine have extra Snokes lying around in vats in his secret lair? Was he going to bring back Snoke if the whole Kylo Ren and Rey plan didn’t work out?
• Why does Rey have such a difficult time climbing through the ruins of the 2nd Death Star? Couldn’t she just levitate herself up to where she was going like she did in her first scene?
• On the planet where they’re having the Festival of the Ancestors: somebody left a perfectly (with minor repairs) good space ship just on the OUTSKIRTS of town…and it’s just SAT there for the past 30 years?
• What was Finn going to tell Rey? That he, too, can Force?
• Speaking of The Force, Rey can tell that Chewie is still alive when he’s onboard a star destroyer IN ORBIT about the planet but she COULDN’T tell that Chewie wasn’t even on board the shuttle that was a.) in her field of vision and b.) that she was DIRECTLY controlling with the Force earlier?
• It turns out Rey ISN’T a “nobody” after all. But Kylo Ren tells her, “I never lied to you, Rey. Your parents were nobody…because they chose to be”. But that’s not really what he said. In The Last Jedi he very specifically told Rey…

In case the video didn’t work or you didn’t feel like watching it: “They…sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You come from nothing. You're nothing.” Except, NONE of that is true! At the very least, Kylo Ren is lying about never lying.

• After Rey took off in his tie fighter, where did Kylo get another tie fighter so quickly? In fact, considering how often people swipe ships maybe somebody should invent the very technologically advanced concept of “a key”.
• Why would the ruins of the 2nd Death Star be on the ocean moon of Endor (it says that’s where it is in the SWIX:ROS visual encyclopedia) instead of the forest moon which is where it was when it was destroyed in Return of the Jedi? Also, at the end of Return of the Jedi, the Death Star didn’t just crack in two. It was blown to smithereens. Here’s a reminder:

Yeaaah. Somehow, a giant piece of that landed on a moon millions of miles away.

• What did Kellie Marie Tran do to deserve her character being demoted to “less than meaningless”? Rose doesn’t DO anything AND they gave her love interest a different love interest. Did J.J. give in to all the online trolls and haters?
• Why did Kylo Ren die from Force-healing Rey? Rey didn’t die after she Force-healed him. Hell, Rey Force-healed a giant snake/worm/dragon monster and she didn’t even get a little woozy.
• It’s now part of Star Wars canon that Palpatine bones. Fine, but I have SO many questions about that. WHO had sex with Palpatine? Did he love her? What was their courtship like? Did he remember birthdays and anniversaries? THIS needs to be the next stand-alone movie: Palpatine in Love.