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The Proper Way To Eat Chocolate And Please Women

I love magician Penn Jillette.  Don’t get me wrong, he can be a real dick, but he can also speak the truth.  I love the t.v. show Bullsh!t, and I also love his writing.  A while back he wrote a piece for Maxim where he tasted different chocolates.  From that article I gained one little nugget of wisdom that his likely to serve you well in the future.

cadbury.com

There is a “secret” word that you need to know when you’re buying good chocolate. The secret word is “dairy“.  Chocolates can only advertise themselves as “dairy milk chocolate” if they use real milk in the recipe.  Now pretty much all chocolates use milk, but they use reconstituted stuff, or milk by products or whatever milk whatnots that science has come up with. When chocolates use real milk it makes for a much creamier, less gritty product.  Some chocolates that don’t use milk try to make up for the creaminess with ingredients that make it come off as tasting a bit oiling or waxy.

Now here’s the deal.  “Dairy Milk” chocolates aren’t even really “premium” chocolates.  They’re higher than the bars you’d grab at a convenience store, but not the real pricey stuff.  Wal-mart and Target both have little candy areas where you can get slightly better chocolates.  Forget the truffles, the gold wrappers, the nuts, the % of cocoa and whatever.  You can get a fantastic chocolate experience for about $2.50 for a pretty good size bar-just make sure it contains “milk” as an ingredient and not some variations of the word.

Now, head to the store, get yourself and your wife and or girlfriend one of these bars.  Just tell her you were thinking of her and picked her up one (even if she reads this, she’s going to appreciate you made the gesture).  Enjoy the chocolate at room temperature and let each bite melt across your tongue (that’s why avoid the chocolate with nuts and stuff, because you have to chew).  The chocolate will feel silky, creamy and rich across your tongue.  Your woman, if she’s any kind of chocolate lover at all will close her eyes and almost give you an “O” face because the chocolate is that good and satisfying.

The easiest one to find is the pictured “Cadbury Dairy Milk”, because the description is right on the label, but there are others.  Just look at the label and enjoy.

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