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Jack White’s Concert Metaphors Too Numerous for Guinness World Records to Count

Jack White
Theo Wargo, Getty Images

Jack White is having a lot of fun with this whole Guinness Book of World Records chase. After Guinness stopped recognizing his one-note concert with the White Stripes as the shortest concert in history, White claimed he was going for a new record: most metaphors in one concert. But that effort ended in disqualification when White “trivialized a metaphor by saying it too quickly.”

In an apparent joke posting on his blog, White claims his concert in Alabama over the weekend contained 1203 metaphors in the first three minutes — that’s 6.68 metaphors per second — before Guinness officials started losing count. He wrote:

Some metaphors were lyrical and others came from moments such as lighting changes and even the calm weather itself during the chorus which momentarily had the feel of Grandma’s house in winter. By the seventh song alone the hard work led two of the Guinness officials to wander to the catering table, leaving the counting to their partner who, new to the grueling scientific process involved, accidentally counted 312 similes and three mere comparisons.

Metaphors were occurring in the thousands by this point, some coming from the clothing the musicians had on, others from the colors used on one of the microphone cables which were easter candy blue, making the task of counting extremely trivial or at the very least hard work.

Then tragedy struck and the record attempt had to be forfeited by Jack White when during the second half of the set Mr. White trivialized a metaphor by saying it too quickly. It was something about the moon being a faucet of light but was uttered too fast to be counted.

Whether White wants to make a legit attempt to break one of the 40,000 official Guinness records remains to be seen, but it looks as though White has regained his sense of humor about the situation after previously calling Guinness “an elitist organization.”

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