This is a recap, as best as I remember, of my accident that has caused me to be absent from the morning show. I have drawn a few highly detailed, photo-realistic sketches to help explain what happened.

Buzz Adams

At about 7 p.m. on Wednesday night, my elderly mother called to see how I was doing. For whatever reason, my mom likes to use FaceTime when she calls, so that's what I'm doing with my left hand in Figure A (above). I'm FaceTiming with my mom. While trying to show her my new motorized bicycle that I just got.

Also, I had taken two powerful prescription sleep aids called Lunesta about 20 minutes prior to the phone call. Lunesta typically takes 20 minutes to really kick in.

In the lower left hand corner you can see my spilled prescription bottle of Lunesta.

Buzz Adams

In my excitement to show off my new bike (yes, to my mother) I hit the accelerator which is located on the handlebar. As the speed lines in Figure B (above) clearly indicate,. That's the fence there in Figure B to the far right.

Buzz Adams

Here in Figure C, we see my front tire impacting the rock divider, tossing me up and over the handlebars. Note the arrows indicating that my head was moving rapidly toward the divider and that my teeth are about to make contact with the rock and cement barrier (designated "Point of Impact" in Figure C).

So, to review: I was trying to show off my new bicycle...to my Mom. Who's 80.

I had taken powerful muscle relaxants and was trying to ride a motorized vehicle while FaceTiming, again, with my mother.

At this point, I feel I need to point out to any readers thinking of commenting: I already KNOW I'm an idiot. It says so right in the title. Also, I've already admitted that many mistakes were made, all of them on my part. So that's another detail I've saved you the trouble of pointing out.