We need to look into this promptly!

Alex Jones, the man who thinks lobsters are psychic, claims that artists must "pledge to Lucifer" when they're signing record deals. Assuming he's at least partially correct, let's have a look at who is most likely in league with the devil, and who is not.

YouTube: Foo Fighters
YouTube: Foo Fighters
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Dave Grohl

Grohl must have a deal with the devil. Sure, he is enormously talented, but to be in TWO headling bands? Making it even crazier, keep in mind he was "just a drummer" in one, and is now the leader/singer/guitar player in another. Oh, and he was also the devil in the Tenacious D movie, so he pretty much spilled the beans on himself.

Photo of Alex LIFESON and RUSH and Geddy LEE and Neil PEART
Fin Costello, Redferns/Getty Images
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Rush

I love Rush. Rush is responsible for some of the most incredible music, lyrics and innovative stage shows out there. Rush redefined metal. Still, taken as individuals, they're kind of nerdy doofuses. You can't convince me their signature isn't in blood somewhere.

Jelly Roll In Concert - New Orleans, LA
Erika Goldring, Getty Images
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Jellyroll

I think Jellyroll was sent here to inspire. To prove (sorry) that a big kid can make it. That you can cross genres without making people mad. He made this list because I think he actually went through hell and came out on the other side. The creamy filling of Jellyroll is not devil's food.

KEVIN WILSON
KEVIN WILSON
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Ghost

Imma say Ghost does not have a deal with the devil. what I will say is that they are currently shopping for a deal with the devil and everyone knows it. The devil just keeps saying, "Shhhh, he guys, I like to keep this kind of thing on the down low".

These Ozzy Osbourne Album Covers Are Now 500 Piece Puzzles
Kevin Winter Getty Images for dcp
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Ozzy

This is a tough one. Does Ozzy have a deal with the devil, or is he blessed? He's just bounced back from too much craziness to put him on either side. My guess is that it's one of those "heaven doesn't want him, and hell is afraid he's going to take over" situations.

Avenged Sevenfold's M. Shadows (L) and Synyster Gates perform in 2017.
Tony Woolliscroft, Getty Images
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Avenged Sevenfold

100% deal with the devil. They were crankin' it out and no one was paying attention, then they drop one "magic" album and they are among the biggest bands in the world. Also, I LOVE this band, but I wouldn't recognize one member in a police lineup.

Sony Music
Sony Music
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blink-182

Travis Barker survived being in a plane crash and being on fire. He's gotta be blessed (oh, and he scored a righteous rich babe too).  Somebody is looking out for Barker.

Katja Ogrin, Getty Images
Katja Ogrin, Getty Images
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Corey Taylor

So Corey Taylor dies and goes to heaven. He stands in front of the Almighty. God looks him up and down, thinks about Taylors' time on earth, and says, "Corey Taylor, what do you have to say for yourself?" And Corey Tayor looks at God and says, "You're sitting in my chair".

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