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Writer Dares to Wear the ‘Hitler Youth’ Haircut

Getty Images / Amit Wehle

We find some fashion trends utterly disturbing, especially those that seem to have been influenced by one of the darkest periods in the history of the world. After reading an article about the ‘Hitler Youth’ haircut, writer Amit Wehle decided to give the style a chance while reminiscing about past haircuts and fads that he’s tried over the years. Here is what went down.

Hey kids, have you heard? There’s a brand new movement sweeping the nation. No, silly, not the Occupy Wall Street movement, something far more exciting: The Hitler Youth Hairdo.

That’s right. If you’re a dude, the shaved on the sides, long and slicked on top look, has taken the US by storm (trooper). My prediction? It’s just a matter of months before this haircut invades Poland and the rest of Europe.

I decided I’d take the plunge and see what all the buzz was about. After all, how could I honestly report on the ‘Hitler Youth’ without sporting it myself? Besides, I was in need of a haircut, and really, shouldn’t every good Jewish boy mimic his enemy’s hairstyle at least once? I set out to my local barber equipped with nothing but $12, a color print-out of the cut and a stomach filled with good old fashioned Semitic anxiety.

Now, this was not the first time I’ve jumped on the “cool hair” bandwagon. — I’ve had a history of riding the fashion trend like nobody’s business:

Here I am pimping the High Top Fade in the late 80s.

 

And here I am in 1993 rocking the killer Cobain strands, oh so effectively.

Most recently, my foray into ‘The Bieber.’ Figuratively, of course.

But there’s much more room for ethical pause and self-reflection when the haircut you’re about to cop is tied to the look of mass genociders. Still, I pressed on. I was curious. I had a journalistic duty. And, what’s more: a deadline.

Like all great battles, things started rough. It took my local barber the better part of an hour just to get it to this level.

Here I am trying to explain to the man, “We’re getting there, sir, but this haircut isn’t finished. I need to look like that blonde dude from Arcade Fire. Are you familiar? Also, please pay no attention to the bright red Swastika on this page.”

Here I am being told that the best I could hope for on that page is “the Joe Jonas”, and given my natural genetic disposition for a Jew-fro I should be pleased with that.

After a short stint of me crying from disappointment my lady captured this picture of the entire barbershop because she didn’t want to stand that close to a sobbing man with a botched haircut.

Here are some more pics from the mane event:

In this one, you can clearly see the kid next to me is also stressed out. I’m not sure what haircut he was getting or blog he writes for.

Finding our groove

and shaping up.

When it was all said it done I looked deep in the mirror and what did I see? ME. Just me. With a slick, well-coiffed and pretty dang handsome new haircut. My lady agreed, “Wow, babe, it looks…über nice,” she chimed in from across the busy shop.

I didn’t look particularly Aryan, or particularly prone to seek world domination. I appreciated that and right then and there landed on a profound grooming truth: a haircut is just a haircut. It takes more than a few scissor snips and razor cuts, to be a Nazi. Just as, unfortunately, it takes more than a dirty blonde coif and a hidden forehead to be Justin Bieber. I’ll follow the trend gods ‘til the end of time and make no apologies for it. I may be first in line when GQ tells me next Fall it’s all about getting your Qduadafi on – that dude could dress!

So, armed with my new clear conscience and my new badass Hitler Youth Hairdo (also, incidentally known as a “J. Edgar” or “Jimmy Darmondy” in case you want to get the cut without all the uncomfortableness that comes with carrying a picture of Nazi youths), I did what anyone in my position would: begged my woman to take self-involved model shots of me in front of the nearest German Beer Garten.

Prost! And Bottoms Up, America!

Amit Wehle is an essayist, screenwriter and registered thoughtsmith. Follow him on Twitter @AMITWEHLE, read his musings on sex, relationships and general human suffering here or wonder why his own website hasn’t been updated properly here.

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