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Texas Radio Personality Frank Pain Directly Responsible for the End of the Government Shutdown

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As you have already heard, a deal has been reached to end the government shutdown. What you may not know is that I am directly responsible for the end of said shutdown.

Well, after Facebook chatter over the shutdown had reached an all-time high, I decided to throw my hat into the ring to clean up the mess we know as our government. Following the overwhelming support of the millions of my fans on Facebook (OK, it was more like 100 or so, but who’s counting) for my decision to get those pansy-asses in our government back into shape, I decided it was time to get things done.

“Immediately” was what my constituents cried.

So, I called up my buddy Tony Stark (many know him as Iron Man) to inquire about one of his suits. He applauded my desire to end the shutdown and loaned me his best suit. That suit is the one you may know as the “Iron Patriot”. So, fitted perfectly for this suit, I took flight and made my way to Washington D.C..

In a conversation that never happened, I told the President and leaders of both parties that if they didn’t end this shutdown immediately, then I would open up a can of whoop-ass that would make Chuck Norris tremble in fear.

News quickly spread of my meeting and, on his radio show, rocker Ted Nugent exclaimed “even I’m not crazy enough to talk trash about The Painman”.

After hearing this, Obama, Boehner and those other fruitloops bowed down and promised an end would be imminent. Well, today we heard about said end. Granted, it’s only temporary, so next time I may have to call on a couple of buddies of mine for assistance. One turns green and the other carries a big hammer.

Sorry, gotta cut this short. I just used the word “constituents” for the first time (saw it on a politico website) and need to make sure my redneck status won’t be tarnished for using a 6-cylinder word.

You’re welcome.God Bless America!

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