Small Town Texas Man Discovers ‘All the Answers’ to Brexit, Gay Marriage & More

Using a Windows 2000 computer and dial-up internet connection, an area man has found all of the answers to several complex and important political, social and economic issues.

Cletus Marshall was able to use something he called "his Google" to get to the bottom of what he said are "some real brain-busters."

He said it was "surprisingly easy" to become an expert on Brexit, global warming, immigration reform, gay marriage, LGBT rights and several more topics in 15 minutes or less despite his lack of a complete high school education.

Mr. Marshall, who explained away spelling and grammar mistakes in his Facebook posts by saying that his brain works so hard on these issues that he doesn't have time to correct them, said that he's doing his friends, family and the whole world "a huge favor" by sharing these facts on his Facebook page.

Some people criticize him and counter his claims with studies, reports and statistics. However, they "don't realize that they're wrong," he said. In response to such criticism, he "educates them" with a clever combination of words and pictures that he has dozens of. One of his favorites contains a picture of Willy Wonka. Another has Michael Jackson eating popcorn watching as the antics break out.

Many local residents say they're amazed at the fact that someone from their own town with just two-and-a-half years of a high school education is somehow smarter than Ivy League lawyers, world-traveled politicians and scientists.

"Sometimes all you need is an 8th grade education to know more than them Supreme Court Justices, who all wear bathrobes, even though some of them haven't just bathed or nothing," said "Wild Bill" Blithers, a local car mechanic.

Tiffany Clapps, who manages a gas station overnight in the town, praised him for "telling it like it is."

"Look, the mainstream media is all lies. Scientists are biased because they just want money to research things so they just make things up. Global warming? It's hot as heck here in June," said Clapps. "But Cletus? He's the real deal."

(If you're asking yourself 'is this satire?' then this may be directed at you. If you're asking yourself 'what does satire mean?' then this is definitely for you.)