Yes I’m an expert on a lot of things. One of them is “Easter Candies”. Easter is the holiday with the best candies, mostly because a lot of them, but not all, are chocolate based. Think about it, Halloween is cheap candy, Christmas is peppermint and stuff (and you can get those at Sonic anytime), and despite the high chocolate quotient, Valentines candy is mostly for girls (sorry it’s just sad a 240 pound dude eating out of a candy heart). With all of this in mind, I present the top 5 Easter Candies next.
5. Marshmallow Eggs & Bunnies. I have a thing for the marshmallow/chocolate combination. It’s just my favorite candy combination. For this reason, if you want to dis on my list, it’s okay, you can change this one out. The other four are the absolute gospel.
4. Malted Milk Eggs. There a bit of a throw back, but they are tasty. They tend to get left behind when you’re eating your way to the bottom of an Easter basket, but when you get to them, you kind of go, “hey, these are pretty good”.
3. Jelly Beans. Do your Jelly Belly’s or cheap ass store brand Jelly Beans. We all eat so many Jelly Beans during Easter that we don’t want any more for a whole year. A special shout-out to Sweet Tarts Jelly Beans which add a little zip to the regular lineup of Jelly Beans.
2. ANY solid chocolate Easter Bunny. You just can’t go wrong with this classic, with one exception: do not ignore where I wrote SOLID. Don’t give hollow bunnies. Only dicks give hollow bunnies.
1. F’ you haterz. The number one Easter candy is the one that revolutionized Easter candy, the luscious sugar yolk filled Cadbury Creme Egg. Let that Chocolate and sugar mix just roll over your tongue and take you to the heights of candy egg-stacy. Yum. For those of you who say “they’re too rich”, GET A HELMET and suck it up. I think the world should be divided up into two groups, those who like Cadbury Eggs and those who don’t. Then “those who don’t” should die and go to hell. These are the best candies because I said so!
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