Keeping Up With Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes, Farrah Abraham and More of Dave’s Favorite Celebrity Messes
I wish I could tell you I’m tired of hearing about all the exploits of Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen and the like, but hearing about their rude comments, bad mistakes, arrests and otherwise poor behavior. Yes, there is a part of me who wishes the TMZ camera guy would stop following Farrah Abraham around and letting all of the stupid fall out of her mouth, but it mostly just makes me feel better about myself. I think that’s a common feeling.
The cameras wouldn’t be there if there wasn’t a huge part of society that wanted to know what’s going on with these celebrity messes. So, rather than fight with my own morals, I’ve decided to compile a list of my personal favorite celebrity messes.
I’ve only seen one movie (Robots) with Amanda Bynes in it, and even then, she’s only a voice of a cartoon robot. However, I know all about her and her legal issues, Twitter rage and bong-throwing exploits. TMZ has her cornered, and they are sharing the actress’ every move. Bynes has been accused of being suicidal, insulted numerous fellow celebs and still has time to wear an awful blonde wig seemingly everywhere she goes.
It’s gotten so bad for Amanda that fellow celebrity mess Courtney Love even suggested that she “pull it together”. Pot, meet kettle.
The 26-year old actress showed amazing promise as a talented youngster, starring in ‘The Parent Trap’ and ‘Freaky Friday’ and recording a couple of pop albums. All was going well, and then the wheels started to come off in 2005.
Lohan was called out for her all-night partying and lack of professionalism, behavior that led to her hospitalization for exhaustion and dehydration.
Ever since, it’s been a 7-year string of DUI arrests, missed court appearances, court-ordered rehab, jewelry theft and more complaints of unprofessional behavior at work.
Through all of this, Lohan’s services have continued to be in demand (testimony to her talent). In the past year she has been in Scary Movie 5, the independent film ‘The Canyons’, and was recently a guest star on the Charlie Sheen sitcom ‘Anger Management’. Not bad for Lindsay, who has a busy non-work schedule of jail time, community service and court-ordered rehab.
The newest celebrity mess on the scene comes from the reality television world. Farrah Abraham was featured on MTV’s documentary shows ’16 and Pregnant’ and ‘Teen Mom’. The show’s cameras followed her around as she regularly berated her loving – yet spineless – mother and step-father, and paid little attention to her baby girl in favor of doing whatever the hell she felt like.
Abraham may have outgrown the MTV shows, but she’ll never outgrow her craving for attention. So, I suppose she decided the best way to get people to pay attention was to make a porno, lie about making a porno, finally admit to making a porno, and follow all of that up by saying she’s trying to be a role model for other teen moms.
Charlie has always been known to party, have a good time and let everyone know about it. He was hospitalized for a cocaine overdose in 1998, and had other legal issues including being arrested for assaulting his then-wife Brooke Mueller in 2009.
But after losing his gig with the TV show ‘2 1/2 Men’ in 2011, he went out on an epic tangent, the likes of which we gave us the priceless catch phrases “Winning!”, and had Sheen proclaiming he’s a “Warlock” with “Tiger Blood”. And who could forget the interview where he proclaimed, “‘I’m tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”. The most entertaining meltdown in history.
After going on an awkward nationwide speaking tour, Sheen has settled down a bit, focusing on his TV show ‘Anger Management’ and has a movie project in the works, too. But for as long as Charlie has been – well – Charlie, you can’t expect things to remain calm for long.
Chris Brown and Rihanna
The two individually aren’t enough to make much of a celebrity mess, but together, they are matches and gasoline. It all started in February 2009, on the eve of the Grammy Awards (where Rihanna was scheduled to perform). The celeb couple got into a fight that led to Brown beating Rihanna, leading to her hospitalization with facial fractures.
Just when you would think – and hope – that the two would part ways and never have anything to do with one another again, they reconciled. Against the advice and urging of pretty much every free thinker in the free world, Rihanna decided to give Brown another chance. In fact, the on again – off again couple has broken up and reconciled on at least three separate occasions (that we know of). While I’m grateful that there hasn’t been another domestic abuse issue between the two stars, I can’t help but think that something bad will result if they keep hanging around each other.
All of my honorable mentions had been on my list at one point or another, but have since fallen off. Some because they’re cleaning up their life, and others because they’ve become somewhat irrelevant in the celebrity world. But I feel all of them deserve mention:
Britney Spears – She’s rebounded nicely in the past couple years with her gig on X Factor helping show us that she’s actually pretty normal when you let her be. Britney is doing what she can to put her head-shaving, careless-driving-with-a-baby past behind her. But you never know when a Kevin Federline-sized mistake will pop up again with Britney!
Courtney Love – She’s never done anything to clean up her image, but isn’t doing too much to ruin it these days. While her name is synonymous with “bad behavior”, we haven’t heard Courtney Love’s name much lately at all.
Gary Busey – He’s like the drunk guy at your party: wildly entertaining for a while, then you just wish he’d go somewhere and pass out. I’m giving Busey something of a pass, because I suspect a lot of his behavior is the result of his 1998 motorcycle accident in which he sustained a head injury. I’m just not sure Gary even knows what he’s saying or doing most of the time.
Demi Moore – Moore’s meltdown resulted from the decline in her marriage to the much younger Ashton Kucher, and it seemed to be in a panic over her age. But Demi seems to have pulled herself together, got the help she needed, and is back to being her wonderful self. I think we all hope it stays that way.
LeAnn Rimes – After melting down over her own affair, the end of her marriage, and ensuing marriage to fellow cheater Eddie Cibiran, Rimes checked herself into a facility for some mental R&R. Since then, she seems to have a healthier outlook on life and has managed to avoid Twitter rage against her husband’s ex-wife altogether.
Randy Travis – The country legend had about as bad a 2012 as you could imagine. Drunken, naked arrests, car wrecks, alleged assault…sounds like a country song. Randy has had a change of tune since the beginning of 2013, working hard to put the embarrassments of last year behind him.