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‘BoneCraft’ is Just What You Expect From a Perverted Video Game [REVIEW]

 

BoneCraft.net

It’s no longer taboo for video games to feature sexual intercourse but that doesn’t mean developers have successfully crossed that particular uncanny valley. Sex in most modern games is still either an awkward affair where the player taps buttons to direct an unfolding scene, or something only alluded to by a fade to black – like some Hays Code-era noir flick.

D-Dub Software’s ‘BoneCraft,’ an X-rated PC game that parodies popular MMORPG ‘World of Warcraft,’ falls squarely into the former.

The sex-fueled (and sexist) misadventure of Captain Fort Worth and his platoon of simple-minded space marines comes off as satire at a glance, but falls flat in practice. Instead of playfully mocking the derivative design, button-mashing gameplay and repetitive missions found in many games, ‘BoneCraft’ constantly relies on all three over the course of its mercifully short 2-3 hour campaign.

Following a crash-landing on a planet inhabited by orcs and elves, Worth leads his men on a quest to find the elf queen so he can screw her. And…that’s it. Along the way, the marauders pillage an orcish city, murder the indigenous population of gay (not happy) male elves residing in A** n’Tail Forest and blast away phallus-shaped monstrosities.

To help accomplish Worth’s “noble” goal, gamers must spam the attack key as waves of enemies approach from all angles. Once a set amount are eliminated, the round ends and a new one begins, upping the required kill count. This trope is repeated over and over with minor tweaks. A very small number of weapons and grenades can be purchased and powered-up with earned in-game cash, lending battles an air of freedom. The vanilla shotgun, however, works best.

Mindlessly killing enemies occasionally takes a backseat to having mindless sex. Instead of slaughtering x number of foes, you’ll need to have intercourse with x number of women. This is not easier said than done; it’s easy. All the orc and elf women want to be screwed. Literally no female in ‘BoneCraft’ will reject Worth’s cheesy come-ons, happily engaging in raunchy coitus with the Captain (and each other) as his crew battles the male population just feet away.

Sex, the game’s main hook and raison d’être, requires players to manipulate two meters – speed and power. The meters change often, reflecting the woman’s “needs.” Successfully matching them brings her to orgasm. Worth, however, can get off quickly with the click of a key. Art imitating life? Maybe. Shallow? Definitely.

Complimenting the game’s limited weapon customization options is a more robust Sex Store. Kinky new positions can be purchased here and then tested on Worth’s personal sex robot, C3P-HO. Players can toggle between them on the fly, panning the camera around the action or choosing a unique dedicated angle. Context-sensitive actions like an ass slap are available, and Worth can talk dirty on command.

The sex scenes, however, are less game, more porn director simulation. All apply the same mechanics, albeit with different animations and participants – not too different from actual porn in that respect. One scene may feature Worth sexing an elf maiden, while another places him on the sidelines as an elf and orc engage in some cross-species lesbianism. The possibilities are immense, but no matter what unfolds on the screen all players do is fill a couple meters when prompted.

Good for some low-brow chuckles and little else, ‘BoneCraft’ won’t excite those craving a decent action game. Its graphic depictions of cartoon sex are titillating at first, but clunky gameplay mechanics and a repetitive mission system will quickly leave most players flaccid.

Rating: 4/10

Bonecraft ($34.99 for digital download, $39.99 for DVD), was developed and published by D-Dub Software and is available exclusively for PC. Not rated. The publisher provided a copy of the game for review.

NEXT: Read a List of the 100 Greatest Games Ever

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